Twins

A pregnant woman was in an accident and she fell into a coma, but had her babies delivered safely. She wakes up shortly after her babies are delivered.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl.

Woman: Great! How are they doing.

Doctor: They are perfectly healthy. We even let your brother name them.

Woman: Oh no! My brother is an idiot! What are their names?

Doctor: Your daughter is named Denise.

Woman: Oh that’s a nice name. What about my son?

Doctor: His name is…Denephew.

Pope Mobile

Sorry or the lack of posts lately, I hope this makes up for it a little.

“You know what, before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once.” “Well,” the limo driver says, “Come up here and take the wheel, Your Holiness, and I’ll get in back!”

Further down the road, the limo is stopped by a policeman who walks over to the limo, sees who’s sitting in the front seat and runs back to his squad car. He calls dispatch and says, “I just pulled over someone really important and I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, who is it?” his dispatcher says, “The mayor? The governor? The president?”

“I don’t know exactly who he is,” the officer responds, “but the Pope is his chauffeur!”

Signs of a True Cat Lover

1. When a true cat lover sleeps, he hardly makes any movements, let alone moving his toes.

2. If you put a heavy thing on a sleeping cat lover, he will try to keep it there undisturbed all the night.

3. A dead mouse touches the heart of a true cat lover; a dead rat draws his admiration.

4. You may think that he’s got a cold – every time a true cat lover enters a room, he closes any doors and windows.

5. If you want to show that you’re madly jealous because of a true cat lover, just pee in his boots. He won’t understand you otherwise.

6. In company, he always ends up talking about cats. Even if he promised to give up doing so.

7. A true cat lover never throws away candy wrappers – he rolls them into a ball and throws down on the floor.

8. A true cat lover chooses clothes by the two main criteria:

   a. cat fur doesn’t stick to it (or it is invisible on it and easily removed.;

   b. it is difficult for the cat to get a claw hooked in the fabric.

9. A true cat lover never slams the door. He always closes it carefully or even leaves a cat-size slit.

10. A true cat lover always knows which of his cats is digging the litter box at the moment.

11. A true cat lover never leaves food on the table but always puts it in the fridge.

12. A true cat lover never leaves a glass with water near the keyboard.

13. Prior to buying a new home plant, a true cat lover will always find out whether this plant is toxic for cats.

14. A true cat lover always smells every little amount of spilt water.

15. When a cat climbs on a true cat lover’s lap, he will never utter a sound even if the cat didn’t hide the claws. Because the kitty may get scared and never climb on his lap again.

16. A true cat lover always knows what cat food tastes like.

17. The hands of a true cat lover are always covered with scratches.

18. When a true cat lover sees a cat in the street, he is full of emotions as if he sees this animal for the very first time.

19. In a typical family, children are told, “Wash your hands after patting the cat!” In a cat-addicted family, children are told, “Wash your hands before patting the cat!”

20. A true cat lover is skilled in typing and using the mouse with one hand. The second one is reserved for patting the cat.

21. A true cat lover knows that the name “mouse pad” is absolutely theoretical. Practically, it is a “cat pad”.

22. If a true cat lover steps on something soft, he always pulls his leg up nervously and checks whether he has harmed someone.