Journey: Manhood - This week I'm taking a "stay-cation." I am devoting a hugh portion of the week cleaning my "home office." This is a project that is so long overdue as to cause marital strife.
Why do I have so much trouble doing things like this? After all, I love it when it's nice and clean. I think a big part of my trouble is I have a hard time throwing things away. So I don't have a problem with putting things in their place, it's just that they don't have places.
So I'm sucking it up on this vacation time to be responsible. I must look towards the heavenly (and marital) rewards.
Showing posts with label weakness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weakness. Show all posts
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Friday, November 02, 2007
Strength vs. Weakness
Journey: Job - I've been Director of Music here at Church of the Covenant for going on six years now. One of the reasons that I've been as successful as I have is that I am mainly and foremost a musician. My primary concern is the sound of the final product. All that I do in rehearsals points to that one goal. All of the duties not relating to this, I generally do not like to do. And it is those things that I'm not as good at doing.
Administratively I am weak. I don't like planning. Sure I do it four months in advance but that's so I don't have to do it for another four months. I get bored organizing and filing music.
Socially I am "lacking". I communicate frankly without regard to who needs "stroking" and complimenting. Within rehearsals if I don't address something or someone it's because it or they are doing fine. I was reinforced in that in undergraduate school.
Generally there is harmony within each of my ensembles. But when there is discontent, that is with me, I tend to let it bother me too much. I start second guessing my decisions, and especially, my ability to do the right thing. It hits in my vulnerability if self-doubt. I often joke that working in a church would be such a breeze if it weren't for people. A joke, yes. A reality, most certainly.
So today I'm second guessing and doubting. But after counciling with a couple of close co-staff, I'm starting to feel better about it. There is something lacking in my confidence and job security that when something like this happens I get a knot in the pit of my stomach. I should be confident in my job to not let it bother me.
Just some rocks on my job journey road.
Administratively I am weak. I don't like planning. Sure I do it four months in advance but that's so I don't have to do it for another four months. I get bored organizing and filing music.
Socially I am "lacking". I communicate frankly without regard to who needs "stroking" and complimenting. Within rehearsals if I don't address something or someone it's because it or they are doing fine. I was reinforced in that in undergraduate school.
Generally there is harmony within each of my ensembles. But when there is discontent, that is with me, I tend to let it bother me too much. I start second guessing my decisions, and especially, my ability to do the right thing. It hits in my vulnerability if self-doubt. I often joke that working in a church would be such a breeze if it weren't for people. A joke, yes. A reality, most certainly.
So today I'm second guessing and doubting. But after counciling with a couple of close co-staff, I'm starting to feel better about it. There is something lacking in my confidence and job security that when something like this happens I get a knot in the pit of my stomach. I should be confident in my job to not let it bother me.
Just some rocks on my job journey road.
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