Saturday, May 14, 2011
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road According to Famous Historical Figures
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
It doesn’t matter; the chicken’s actions have no meaning except to
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
“Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road.
I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
The question is not “Why did the chicken cross the road?” but is
rather “Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we
overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think
to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over the place anyway?”
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of
his own free will.
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):
I’m not exactly sure why, but right now I’ve got a horse in my bathroom.
I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross
roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was
crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only
serving their interests.
I missed one?
For the greater good.
To actualize its potential.
It was a historical inevitability.
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium
from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it
would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be
of its own freewill.
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken
found it necessary to cross the road.
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
You tell me.
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
To die. In the rain.
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
I don’t care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.