Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mom, you're not going to like this, but...

Journey: Manhood - Wow, yesterday morning's Men's Fraternity: The Quest for Authentic Manhood session was amazing. Session 8: Making a Healthy Break with Mom. There weren't any real big surprises. Basically, you have to confront her with what you are going to do, set boundaries and then stick to it all no matter what she does.

And that's really the tricky part. Dr. Lewis read a set of letter between a man and his mom. First the man's letter, it was very direct and honest without being insulting. It reinforced his feeling, needs and affection for his mother. Then came the reply letter from the mom. Full of bitterness and over the top statements designed to make her son feel guilty. When I first heard it a chill went through me. It sounded exactly like something my mom would say, even before her mind started to go. Dr. Lewis stressed that moms do adjust.

But I don't think that is a large option for me. There are several strikes against me inthat I am her legal caretaker. Her need for me is more than just emotional. So, I have to try to reinforce different boundaries. And I've been trying to do that. Thank God that she has the people at Rosewood Retirement Community to take care of her on a daily basis. I can't imagine what it would be like if she had to live with us.

I will have to just do the best I can until she dies. The ongoing issues are doing to be within my marriage. There are some natural pitfalls that I have to learn to avoid. Gretchen says now that she sees what the characteristics are, she sees them clearly. We have to establish which of my traits are because of my personality type (melancholy) and which are because of Mom.

Now the following wounds that we'll cover in MF will be new territory. I'm looking forward them.

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